LOCKDOWN. WEEK 5

22nd - 28th Apr 2020

A suitable mask?

I'm beginning to run out of things to talk about and in danger of repeating myself. Situation little change during Week 5. There is still far too much weepy whining wall-to-wall coverage of Controlavirus on TV etc., but at last some, not much, recognition of Vietnam which has managed the situation magnificently and is back to normal in most parts. I suspect our lot don't want to report too much on them as it will go to show just how useless and hysterical we have been in comparison! 

I think our TV news programmes should be split; those showing coronavirus stories and others showing only the remaining news.....of which there must be some. 

I live near a mainline railway station and passenger trains pass frequently; a great advantage in normal times. Watching trains go past now, and they still seem to hold to their regular timetable, it is strange to see that, mostly, they have absolutely no passengers. Almost all empty. I can maybe understand why, but cannot understand how they manage, financially, to keep going. When we are finally allowed out I expect, in Great British tradition, they will find a reason to stop running. No irksome passengers must be a real bonus for the operating staff.

I continue my alternate day 2 mile runs (staggers). Musn't tear the arse out of it. Did a PB a couple of days ago of nearly a minute under normal. Can't work out why unless I read my watch incorrectly. I do a few other mild exercises half way. Perhaps I missed out on a few of them. Apparently a beardy chap called Joe Wicks does home fitness programmes on TV (probably before I get up) aimed at the self-incarcerated. I confess to not having seen him in action, but did see this old chap telling us what to do. Rather more my scene I think. I attach a link which you may, or may not, be able to open. Copy to search bar if necessary.

https://vimeo.com/400874170

Another feature of news (virus) reportage during this boring ongoing 'crisis' is the use of ghastly new unnecessary words and expressions. Some of these, largely because they are not English, I find very irritating. I list a few below:

1. Furlough. (American). In English means 'on leave' as in 'leave of absence', or 'stood-down'.

2. Uptick. (American again). In English simply 'increase' or 'rise'.

3. Gifting. (American?). In English 'giving' or 'donating'.

4. Laura Kuenssburg

Plus that fatuous valediction, or is it an order, "stay safe". Why do I need to be told that? I've managed to look after myself for several decades without needing to be commanded to 'stay safe'! They might be better off advising us to 'stay sane'. What business is it of theirs anyway, as if they really care.

We keep hearing about the possibility of being compelled to wear dreadful face-masks. A repellant thought as far as I am concerned and I doubt if it will come to that, hopefully. 

Amusing article written in a recent edition of the Spectator magazine by my journalistic hero Rod Liddle entitled 'Would Churchill have worn a face mask'. He (Liddle) was concerned about how he would manage to smoke his cigarettes wearing one (or perhaps Churchill his cigars).

My TTD list is expanding rather than contracting. The other day I found my hoover standing idle. I rather like it that way. I did, however, motivate myself into mowing the small lawn in front of the house. When I say 'lawn' it is really an eco-friendly patch of weeds, dandelions and triffid-like growths. It needed a bit of energetic machete work to get it into a condition to be mowed. The result was an improvement I suppose, but various creatures which had happily lived undisturbed in it for months had to make a run for it. I also found a deck-chair which I never realised I had.

I called a friend holed up in France. If you think the situation is bad here it is nothing to what they are forced to go through in La Belle France. She has been isolated, and I mean alone, in a large house somewhere near the Alps for over a month with erratic internet, no postal service and she has to get a signed document to go out of the house for shopping etc. At least the phone seems to work. It sounds bloody awful.

I think some people are really going a bit 'over the top' as per this chap (left) in his Venetian doctor's plague mask outfit.

Coincidently I am currently reading a book called 'The Plague' (La Peste), a translation of a famous French novel written by Albert Camus about a large town in Algiers stricken by bubonic plague in the 1940s. It is pretty heavy going but bears a remarkable similarity, if worse, to the situation we now find ourselves in. Of course bubonic plague, transmitted by fleas living on infected rodents, is a bacteria not a virus. It is a horrible affliction which affects the lymph nodes causing nasty suppurating painful growths in the groin, armpits and neck called 'buboes'. In those days it was nearly always fatal and the victims died in agony. It can mutate into pneumonic plague which affects the lungs and has similar symptoms to the worst cases of covid-19. It still exists in (primitive) parts of the world but can be treated with some success by modern antibiotics (I'm told). So much for my medical research.

I have been quite busy designing my unique 'Coronatini' cocktail. The present recipe consists of gin, vodka, brandy, cherry brandy, Vietnamese coconut liqueur, lillet blanco, mead and sherry topped up with a dash of ginger ale plus crushed ice and a slice of lemon. I haven't thought of a name for it yet, but it might just beat all those high-powered medicos to finding a successful anti-covid-19 vaccine.  A couple of glasses will at least have the effect of taking one's mind off it.  Trouble is, due to this pesky isolation, I am finding it difficult to obtain volunteer testers.

In the meanwhile I fiddle about doing some shopping, read 'some of' the newspaper, watch rubbish on TV and waste much time tapping away on the computer....such as writing this drivel.

The Parish Council

LOCKDOWN. WEEK 4

15th - 21st Apr 2020

Thanks to the interminable doom, gloom and weepy stories on the TV and in newspapers I get the impression that a lot of the UK's 'Panic-Stricken General Public' (PSGP) are becoming even more paranoid in their approach to the controlavirus. There is never any positive or uplifting news, such as in Vietnam where my contact tells me that they have still had no deaths directly attributable to this bug. Apparently this is partly due to the fact that they stopped all incoming tourist traffic (air, road and sea presumably) as soon as the outbreak was announced in China. He is in Da Lat at present where, apart from lack of tourists, life has returned almost to normal. There is certainly no whingeing on about lack of PPE, or stessed out 'health workers' etc. I worry not in the slightest about getting this bug, but I do about the loss of all social, sporting and economic normalities for an indefinite period, if not forever. 'They', through spreading fear, have got us trapped under their thumb and the PSGP will do what they are told, regardless of reason or common sense, forever. Maybe......I hope not.


I really don't want to sound like the boring and depressing TV News and newspapers, so no more talk of the tossers who spread bad news or, as far as I can manage, bang on about the bug. This blog is about what I have been up to during the 'lockdown'; and there is some good news. My TTD list is reducing (slowly). I finally achieved something I had been meaning to do for 3 years. I sewed a missing button on my pyjamas! Quite an accomplishment and with no serious injury you will be relieved to hear.

My boring daily routine continues much as before. As mentioned previously I drop in to our local hardware shop for a chat (I did buy some weedkiller recently) with the charming and sensible owner, Pauline (Right). On one occasion I was there when a bloke came in asking for some paint. He explained that he lived 20 miles away and his local shop refused to sell him any, despite having some and him buying other things, because they told him "we can't sell paint as it has been decreed a 'non-essential item'". Pauline has a good stock of paints and duly served him. He had to drive 40 miles here and back to get it. The system, and regulations, have gone mad!

PS. All modern weedkiller is pretty weak and useless. EU 'elf 'n safety rules I suppose. I want something that when you put it down results in smoke and flames appearing. Pauline said she was out of Napalm and Agent Orange...temporarily I hope.

The local Co-op is the place I go for my supplies as described earlier. No queueing there. Newspaper (or CoronaPress), the occasional bottle of wine, butter, bread, milk and other 'essentials' are normally available. Foodwise I take what they have to offer. If I had a cat there would be a great choice. I will not starve.
Loo rolls were once in great demand and shortage. There seem to be no lack of them now.

There seems to be ongoing discussion on whether we should all be expected to wear face masks when out and about. These have been proved to be relatively useless, but I suspect the PSGP will gladly wear the bloody things if obliged to do so. Some do already even though they treat the snot-infested things with careless abandon, but it makes them feel invulnerable, or 'being responsible'. I would hate to wear one as it gives the impression of cowardice in the face of the enemy, as well as looking ridiculous. I suppose if it comes down to a Government dictat and we are forced to do so I hope we can at least get some amusing ones. If they can't supply enough decent ones for our NHS staff I can't think how they will supply the remaining 63 million plus, replenished daily, for public use. Or why, frankly.

My plans for the next week(s) are perforce not very adventurous. The next thing on my TTD list is to iron a stack of washed clothes. The disincentive is, considering there are no social events which require one to look remotely respectable, why should I bother. I also have a trunkload of old photographs and documents which has been sitting unopened for over 10 years in my junk room. I have always maintained that I will sort them out one day. Now is, perhaps, the time. 

There are so many anomalies in all the new rules that we are compelled to abide by in this period of 'crisis' that I have almost lost count, and interest frankly. There was an occasion here when a father and his daughter (living together) chose to play a game of tennis on a public court. They were roundly abused by a snarky neighbour for contravening the 'rules'. Why, as another example, is it considered safe enough to stay the required 2 metres apart in a 'permitted' shop, or even in a park (absolutely no risk there), but forbidden to have a friend to come over and have a drink and chat in your garden when you can do the same; even 10 metres apart if necessary if they are worried, but at least within shouting distance. As the admirable columnist Rod Liddle mentioned (Spectator), he would not willingly go within 2 metres of people he doesn't know in normal circumstances, unless they were Liberal Democrats in which case he wouldn't go within 5 metres of them. Logic and common sense seem to have been taken out of our control. I almost despair. 

LOCKDOWN. WEEK 3

8th - 14th Apr 2020

Easter weekend came and went and, as rather expected, Boris rose from the dead. Good for him and no doubt this will have done his political standing no harm at all. His resilience and impeccable timing have never been in doubt.

Life in isolation has never been a problem for me; in fact I find it rather relaxing frankly with no obligation to do anything or even speak to anyone if I don't want to. OK, a bit boring at times as there is very little to see or do on the occasions when I do escape my lair, but I have still paid a daily visit (except Easter Monday when it was closed) to the hardware shop for a chat and on to the Co-op shop for 'essential' supplies. One of which is a newspaper, or more accurately described nowadays a 'coronavirus statistics report'. There are still queues around the car park at Tesco so I don't bother to join those. One episode of semi-excitement occurred when I was wandering along the High Street. A lady was walking down the pavement when she spotted, at the last moment, someone approaching her head on from the opposite direction (not me I hasten to add). In her paranoid 'don't come near me or I will die' state of mind she leapt into the road and was very narrowly missed by a speeding car which had to brake suddenly and swerve. If she had been run over and killed would that have been considered  a 'Covid-19 related death'?

My TTD list has not reduced much but I actually did something on it. This was a big something. The weather was fine and I decided, at last, to paint the fence running down the side of my house. This task was not without an element of danger. It involved perching on a narrow ledge about 5 feet above the pavement while holding, as far as possible, the top of the fence. A slip would have involved a painful, if not lethal, fall and possibly a hospital visit to take up valuable space in an overrun NHS ward somewhere, not to mention spilling a tin of expensive paint. That took a total of 6 hours painting over two sessions. Left: I hope you are impressed by the result. I was. Took me a day or two to recover from my exertions.

I'm still continuing with the 'jogging'. A two-mile stumble across the Common and down a road and back. I remember doing that distance, a long time ago, in about 15 minutes. I won't embarrass myself by telling you how long it takes now. Suffice to say about twice as long would not be far off. At least it raises my heart rate and makes me sweat which, until I collapse from a coronary, hopefully keeps me fit. In fact, just to set a good example to the 'self-isolation' zealots, I now only do this every other day. Again, I do not like selfishly to risk being carted off to take up valuable NHS bed space.

Right: More risky DIY. There was a blockage in the plug socket. I sense that valuable hospital bed space is indeed in danger of being taken up.  

Just out of interest; I have been in regular comms with an ex-colleague who lives in Vietnam. They have been in lockdown since 1st April, but he says this is due to be relaxed on the 16th, possibly. He tells me (and he is a senior guy; sensible, reliable and well informed) that the deaths from all respiratory diseases in Vietnam, a country of 98 million people mostly living in crowded cities, cold in the north and warm in the south, have been, so far, of entirely normal proportions with about 200 confirmed cases of Covid-19 and as far as he is aware no (zero) deaths specifically from that, and he has many contacts out there that confirm this. Indeed for most countries around that part of the world (excluding China) the recent mortality rate has been normal for this time of year. It is curious to compare these figures with the carnage reported in Europe and the USA (predominantly New York). I can’t get my head around it, and have no reason to doubt the veracity of his reports. Why should they be so different to us? 

I think it may be something to do with an inherent acquired immunity, from which we in the West have been long protected hence very vulnerable! I really have no answer. 

I am also becoming rather cynical about our ‘statistics’ which link any respiratory illness and death to Covid-19, even those who have died of other things (ie heart attacks) who tested to ‘be with’ Covid-19. Anyway, our public have been suitably panicked..unlike the Vietnamese who are rather more resilient and pragmatic and take these things on the Ho Chi Chin! 

He sent me an interesting and fairly up to date ‘chart’, which appears legit, listing comprehensive figures relating to this virus on which you can scroll down the figures for every country and tap onto the map in the centre. Quite revealing. Anyway I attach the link below for your perusal if you are interested. I have a feeling it will not 'click open' on this blogsite.....so if you are that interested you will have highlight and copy it into a search bar.

https://gisanddata.maps.arcgis.com/apps/opsdashboard/index.html#/bda7594740fd40299423467b48e9ecf6

I expect we will be encouraged to go out again on Thursday at 8.00pm to clap and bang tins to applaud out heroic NHS workers. As I mentioned in the previous, I have every admiration for our NHS workers (alongside all others who are still catering for our needs), but I find it somewhat of a 'virtue signalling' exercise and faintly 'unBritish'. A retired doctor and newspaper columnist, Dr Theodore Dalrymple, who is now holed up in Paris with his wife and mother-in-law (Heaven help him) wrote an article recently including his thoughts on this which I hope he won't mind me repeating verbatim. He wrote:

'The people in my street lean out of their windows and clap. They are applauding the staff of health services that are responding to the epidemic. My wife has made new acquaintances thereby, but I do not join in because I find the gesture both empty and kitsch, as well as mildly intimidating. If you do not join in, does it mean that you do not appreciate the health workers and are therefore not a decent, grateful person? I have noticed a tendency for the applause to last longer, and for people to add ululations to it. I am a little reminded of the speeches of communist leaders, with which it was hazardous to be the first to cease to applaud'.

Left: Not mine, but I have something similar.

Rt:...............At least the cherry tree was blooming. If it's a cherry tree. Might be a gooseberry bush for all I know!

I can't think of anything else to report, let alone anything interesting. I might add to this or wait another week before posting further inspiring thoughts and comment, and maybe try to rustle up some photos.

LOCKDOWN. WEEK 2

1st - 7th April 20

The 'lockdown' continues with even fewer people braving the streets of this town and those that do slink about  in terror of anyone approaching them too closely. People dive across to the other side of the road when they see me coming in the opposite direction. Maybe they did that before in any case. Day of the Zombies springs to mind. Of these, more are wearing facemasks and plastic gloves which they believe will save them from the dreaded lurgy. They fool themselves. I saw one lady bemasked and gloved furtively shopping in our local grocery (still plenty of cat food there). She handled many items and then took off her mask to call someone on her mobile phone before replacing the mask. So, any bugs infesting her manky mask would be transferred to gloves and phone and anything else she touched including her face from the phone. They haven't a clue, and they are amongst us!

Our gallant PM Boris is still in intensive care as I write (but breathing normally we are told) and under the care of the 'topmost' lung doctor and his team. The Plague strikes 'indiscriminately' we are reminded (how bleedin' obvious can you get) but 'topmost' treatment is indeed rather discriminate. Good luck to him and I have every confidence that he will recover within the week....and let's see what political capital he then makes from his 'near death' experience to further terrify us. Oh dear, I am becoming ever more cynical I'm afraid.
I know of two people who have reportedly fully recovered from a mild case of this virus. Having said that they were never tested (as with 99.9% of the country) to see if they actually had it. It might have been ordinary flu or a heavy cold which would not be unusual for this time of year. Curiously we, or at least I, have not heard of anyone getting 'just' flu this year.

We are encouraged to go out at 8.00pm on Thursdays to applaud our heroic NHS front line staff. I am in no doubt that they do a great job...but 'heroes' I think is a bit OTT. After all it is their chosen job which they do admirably amongst many patients infected by horrid things even in normal times. If you choose to join the army, for example, in between all the amusing, peaceful and social times you can expect periods of serious discomfort and danger; to live in shit and get shot at or blown up. It's all part of the contract. Anyway, apart from the adulation they are receiving they are at least getting paid, which is more than can be said for many employees in organisations which have been forced to close down despite our generous Chancellor promising a hand-out by the end of June, if they are lucky and fulfil various stringent criteria. It is frightening to wonder how all this is going to be paid for.

Hey Ho! Lets find something more amusing to talk about. Lots of home DIY is now being done, if not by me. I gave that up long ago after trying to put up a smoke detector in a passageway. "So easy" said the man who sold it to me. After I had failed to get it put up using a hand drill (two small holes and a couple of screws was all it required), I had badly sliced my hand and index finger (5 stiches later at A&E), the ceiling looked as if someone had fired a machine-gun into it, plaster everywhere and blood down the wall and on the carpet. I had to get a plasterer in (he put up the smoke detector in 3 minutes), a painter to repaint the wall and a bit of new carpet. It cost me an arm and a leg and a lot of pain. I now stick firmly to the DDIY principle (Don't Do It Yourself....get an expert in). Anything I try to repair ends up worse than before I started, plus injury.
Anyway, back to the present day crisis. A friend of mine superglued his fingers together which caused much merriment, although it could have been worse if he had gone for a pee. Unaccustomed shared domestic duties have had their moments including another incarcerated friend to whom his wife delegated cooking responsibilities for a change. A small kitchen fire resulted, inedible food and painfully burnt hands. He has therefore been medically excused the hoovering, dusting and most other household chores. Another family I know (with 3 children) decided to have an impromptu 'entertainments evening' of quizzes and board games. The rows and arguments which ensued have caused them each to 'self-isolate' in their own rooms. Maybe things have calmed down by now.

My daily routine has not really changed from the previous episode. I have moved the tin of paint nearer to the fence I intend smarten up. I have checked that my lawnmower (a push-me job) works and I have ear-marked various areas of weeds in the garden to be dealt with. My 'Things To Do' (TTD) list is under permanent scrutiny and fine-tuning.

This report may well continue but I must dash now as I have the papers to read.

LOCKDOWN. WEEK 1

24th - 31st Mar 2020

Well, this 'controlavirus' (as I have come to call it) has really put the kybosh on any travel plans for the near, and perhaps distant, future. What a bollocks! Semi-confined to barracks in a small town where many of the population have been terrified into a cowed and submissive state, life has become rather tedious. Frankly, I would not particularly mind if I got it! The chances are that, for a fit (ish) person, it would be no worse than normal seasonal flu, a malady that has been almost entirely unreported on this year, even though the death toll from it (seasonal flu and pneumonia) in March 2019 was over 2,000 and nobody seemed to flap about that. I would then be immune to it. Bring it on! I note that Sweden has taken a rather different stance and is not having a lockdown, or a very limited one. It will be interesting to see how that works out at the end of the day.

An ex-colleague of mine who lives in Vietnam tells me that they have had no reported Covid 19 deaths and that in a country with a population of 97 million which borders China! Not sure whether to believe it, but the Vietnamese took the early precaution of cancelling all flights and other transport into and out of the country, hence no foreign tourists, which may be the reason. Therefore all their tourist based businesses are going tits up.

We are being flooded by non-stop contravirus 'news' (the TV news shows nothing else), all rather gloomy, hysterical and weepy with endless statistics and contradictory 'expert' advice, some of which is pure guesswork resulting in a nervous, indeed terrified, public. They can't even begin to assess how many people have got it or have had it as very few have been tested. It will be interesting to see how restrictions will continue after this pandemic is deemed to be over. Governments now have the perfect excuse to impose all sorts of rules and 'monitor' us 'in the interest of our health, safety and security' ad infinitum. Rather like those confounded announcements at many transport hubs which tell you "CCTV cameras are in operation for your safety and security". Only partly; it's mainly to watch you and catch you doing something naughty. I wonder how long it will be before we are legally obliged to have government monitored CCTV cameras fitted in every room of our homes for our 'safety and security', of course. Big Brother is knocking at the door!

Anyway, most shops and all restaurants, cafés and pubs in my town have shut down and there are endless queues outside (and it was freezing cold out there) the supermarket and Boots the Chemist. I had to collect some pills from Boots and realising there would be a queue down the high street I took with me a fold-down chair and a newspaper (luckily found one) to read. Just as well as I was in the queue for 1hr 50mins (including a 40 minute period when they closed!). I'm told that was better than average. It was breezy and very cold outside. By the time I got into the shop my newspaper had all but disintegrated, my hands had turned blue and I thought I had hypothermia. If the virus doesn't get you then standing (or in my case sitting) in these queues will!

The local Coop, Tesco, Post Office and chemist are still open albeit with reduced hours. Fortunately they are in easy walking distance. I think we are allowed to go on one shopping trip for 'essential' items only! Who is to a) check what we have bought and b) what is considered an 'essential' item? I suppose the police can now arrest you for buying an Easter egg, of which the Coop is well stocked...along with cat food. We might be forced to eat that when all else has run out. The tuna variety looks quite appealing.

There are long queues ouside Tesco (one out, one in) stretching around the car park, but none at the Coop which is short, or out, of many items but has enough essentials and still plenty of (essential) booze. We all have to stay 2m apart but that is rule fairly liberally applied. When you get to the till the staff are only 3 ft away, gloveless and maskless and don't seem particularly worried about it, and neither am I. Thankfully very few people have been reduced to wearing face-masks which, as we are told, offer no protection anyway. There are, amusingly, some 'concerned' individuals who sculk around with hankerchiefs, scarves or soggy paper tissues held over their faces. They look frightened. Fat lot of good that will do them...or anyone else as I saw one woman put her snot-ridden tissue on the check-out counter.

We are also told that we can take one piece of excercise a day, ie a run, walk or bicycle ride, and now not allowed to drive to uninhabited spaces to do it. Why one? Why the no-drive rule? What is the logic there? Having said that I may be forced to go on a 'run' (or stagger in my case) as I don't have a bike or dog to walk and would certainly not countenance doing more than one in any event. I was going to say who would notice if I did go on a daring two runs? In fact I have been told that these restrictions have given scope and great pleasure to our vibrant community of curtain-twitching meddlesome ratbags to snitch on us to the police. I can believe that!


So how have I organised my lockdown (or lockup) during Week1? Well first I made a list of 'things to do' (TTD) which have needed to be done for ages. It was quite a long list. I then fell into a sort of daily routine:

1. Get up late and have a light breakfast.
2. Listen to Pop Master on the radio.
3. Reassess and amend my list of things to do (TTD).
4. Walk down to the town and call in on a friend who runs a hardware shop (stays open) en-route for a morale boosting chat. I bought a large tin of outdoor paint for my garden fence on Day 1.
5. Coop to shop. Newspaper, bottle of wine and other essential items.
6. Post Office as required.
7. Walk back home via the hardware shop.
8. Have a look at my TTD list.
9. Answer various e-mails and, especially, look at hundreds of WhatsApp messages which have come pinging onto my phone that has come to sound like a ship's Asdic echo finder in my pocket. Ping ping ping! Most of these WhatsApp are a waste of time but some are interesting/amusing/informational so you feel obliged to trawl through them all just in case . The world has gone WhatsApp mad and I'm so glad I have nothing to do with Facebook, Twitter etc.
10. Have lunch.
11. Read the newspaper.
12. Go on 'run'. Very slowly.
13. Shower.
14. Think about mowing the lawn or painting the garden fence.
15. Revise my TTD list.
16. Do the crossword.
17. TV. I have, as of writing, given up watching the TV non-news.
18. Supper and wine.
19. TV again. Very little worth watching.
20. Read a book. Presently 'Plague' by Albert Camus.
21. Check my TTD list.
22. Go to bed.

I will send another inspiring report after Week 2.

PS. I have become allergic to that abominable valediction in vogue at the moment; "Stay safe"! It's ghastly! Even more irritating than shop assistants who command you to "Have a good day"!

As I think Mr Shakespeare more amusingly and aptly said "a plague be on you and your household".