LULOK ISLAND. PART 5. THE COAST

28th - 31st May 2020

Cloaca Beach. Vörmit

Onwards to the town of Vörmit which lies, or squats, on the south-east coast about 20 KiloSpurtz (KSpz) from Colostepec. It was a three hour journey by bus (similar in speed and comfort to the previous) along some 'interesting' coastal roads. It is a town famed (in Lulok) for its beaches and 'entertainment' (see Pattaya blog for comparison). A resort of choice for the better-off  and uninhibited Lulokians.

Right: On approach from the south through the suburbs into Vörmit.

It didn't look too promising, but merely an illusion. 

It was quite late when we arrived and after being dumped at the bus station the first sign of lodgings we came across was this place (left). Even by Lulokian standards this looked a bit downmarket.

We then stumbled upon this place, the Vörmit Grande (right) which was by the seaside. Not too bad at all, and cheap.

Left: It even boasted a Lulok flag flying proudly above the main entrance. 

Right: .....and a delightful patio on the top floor facing south with a scenic view over the coast. Plus a bar (closed). It required a bit of reglazing, but plenty of welcome fresh air.....

.......which was just as well because the view to the north was over the dye works (left). As I quickly discovered, dye works use a lot of urine and other foul substances to enhance the process. As such a southerly breeze was relatively fresh and welcome. A northerly one was less than agreeable...indeed that is possibly where Vörmit gets its name from.

By chance we had arrived during the annual four day cultural festival, the 'Vörmit Musicengröeppengrâbbitfest'. Apparently this extravaganza attracts about 5000 visitors. About 10,000 residents take the opportunity to leave.

Right: A party of exiting residents.

Left: The main stage, which appeared to be covered by a large mosquito net. We discovered that this was to protect the 'artistes' from unwelcome bombardment by all kinds of projectiles, often rather smelly ones.

There were several musical, and other less salubrious, events taking place. Although Lulok is not renowned for its popular music contribution on the world stage, the local 'Headliner' act, The SqueeGees (right), performed to rapturous, somewhat heavily infused, audiences. This group was due represent Lulok at the Eurovision Song Contest two years ago (even though not recognised by Europe...or anyone else) but were found to have attempted to bribe and threaten the organisers and were subsequently banned in perpetuity.

Left: A trio of enthusiastic festival-goers who seemed to be enjoying themselves enormously (no pun intended). They requested anonymity.

Right: There were some rather extraordinary characters present. I'm not sure what to make of this chap's breeding but he certainly wasn't lacking in the aural department. Probably good for stereophonic reception. He might have been the Mayor for all I know.

Left: .......or this trendy individual. It rather reinforced my view that dental care is not high on the agenda here.

Right: As with virtually everywhere else in the world Lulok has not been spared the poisonous invasion of MacDonalds. I have a feeling that this establishment, on the outskirts of town, would not come up to Mr MacD's low standards.

The downtown bars were interesting. 

Left: Inside the 'Lolita-a-Go-Go' where several friendly ladies were keen to introduce themselves. I remember I managed to do 'a-Go-Go' relatively unscathed.

Right: Another beautiful enchantreuse wistfully hoping for the chance to have a chat. To be frank I think she was a bit pissed.

Left: A colourful lady decorating the street.













Right: The route back to the hotel past the dye works. You had to be a bit careful where you put your feet.

On returning to the hotel late on the second night we were confronted by this happy Conga of well lubricated visitors celebrating the Spring Harvest. Nikkla couldn't help herself. She joined in (3rd from the left of photo). 

Right: In the recovery suite afterwards. The thing on her head was a locally designed apparatus which was 'guaranteed' to stimulate the brain and provide a feeling of elation and cancel out recent memory. I'm not sure if it worked because Nikkla has limited recent memory at the best of times. Certainly of nights like previous.

Down to the beach (left). There was an off-shore breeze and rather a whiff in the air. To a beachcombing enthusiast this would be a paradise. It was noticeable how few 'sunseekers' were relaxing on the golden/brown (soggy) sands. To be honest I think we were lucky not to have picked up something rather nasty. Nobody had suggested that the 'famed' Cloaca Beach was noted for its pristine cleanliness. Annabella had arrived in her bikini but felt that she should have worn a HAZMAT suit.

Right: Nikkla sampling some local pigs milk cheese. A very unique taste, apparently. She suggested that those cheeses could more usefully be used as weapons.

Left: Annabella after being ripped off when exchanging her money into the local Gröne currency. She ended up with two spliffs and a bag of rübbles (there are 100 rübbles in a gröne).

Right: Nikkla posing on a balcony overlooking the 'posh' end of Vörmit.  They will probably be using this photo for their tourist catalogue adverts.

Left: ....and buying an apple from a local. Nikkla is so kind to the 'underprivileged', as she sees them. She probably paid enough to refuel this lady's Lamborgini in her holiday home in Monaco.

Lastly, for the moment, an embarrassing pic of me dancing with a local at the Festival. Certainly nothing untoward about this. She didn't even ask to be paid.

That was a brief rundown on our visit to the cultural town of Vörmit. On next along the south coast and then back to the capital, Zlakalitze.

Stay with it. More to follow.