BACK TO 'NAM AGAIN

13th Dec 19 -  2nd Jan 20

Saigon City Hall

I do like Vietnam, which explains why I normally choose it as my bolt-hole from the grim weather and even grimmer enforced commercial 'jollity' of the so called 'festive season' in UK. At this time of year the weather here is warm (mid 30s) and sunny, as is the nature of so many of the Vietnamese. They have yet to be affected too badly by the rights, free services and hand-outs demanded by our spoilt, litigious and ever complaining Western inhabitants. They expect to work, however menially, to earn a living, take responsibility for their misfortunes even if not their fault and have a strong family bond to support them. There are some downsides, but on the whole they are a very hardy, uncomplaining and enterprising people free of our 'entitlement' culture. Plus the place is safe. There is relatively little violent crime and terrorism is unknown (but they do have some skilful scooter 'bag-snatchers' on the Saigon streets). All the sexist, racist, homophobic, #metoo, etc. bollocks so whinged about in the West is unknown. They are fairly conservative in their opinions and behaviour and certainly the likes of Pattaya (see previous) would never be tolerated. They also have some splendid bars, restaurants, shops and sights to see and all relatively inexpensive.  So the place appeals to a boring old fart like me. 

Left: This was an accident. I intended to refuse all 'Merry Christmas' routines but was forcibly encouraged to join some staff at the excellent Caravelle Hotel in Saigon on Christmas day on my way up to the Rooftop Bar to be entertained by the splendid Cuban band which performs there. I have videos of this band but still, for the life of me, I don't know how to fix videos on this blog even though it should be possible (I'm told).

Right: The streets were packed with sightseers on their scooters (motos) over Christmas and New Year. The locals love to get out to see the lights and fireworks. Scooters are never a problem here. Traffic problems are caused by the increasing number of cars.

The New Year was seen in by the usual fireworks display and happy throngs. I was happily not celebrating in a nice restaurant and didn't see it this year. I have covered all these celebrations in previous (last year's) blog so not going to bother doing it again.

Right: The street cafés are popular with locals and tourists alike. Rough and ready but delicious food and very cheap.

Left: These small art galleries are popular. On one street (Tran Phu, Dist 5) I counted 42 of them in the distance of 300yds. Most have 'artists in residence' and must produce hundreds of paintings a day between them. Some of them are quite good, but I wonder who buys them all. 

It is interesting to see a strange mix of shops on Saigon streets. Right: a motorbike repair shop sandwiched in between two rather chi-chi hairdressers. Hair done while your bike is serviced? A very useful facility on Vietnamese shops, however small, is that they all have their street number and address on the shop fronts. It must be a legal requirement. You always know where you are. This is something that is curiously lacking in UK where so few shops display even their street number. I think it should be made compulsory if only to help emergency services.

Left: Sitting at a bar on the 52nd floor of the Bitexo Tower in the south of the city. This sky-scraper has 68 floors including a helicopter-pad sticking out from the 49th.











Right (not my photo): The Bitexo Tower with helipad which, I am told, is very rarely used. It would be a good spot for an 'al fresco' knees-up.

Left: Looking up the Saigon River to the north-east. You can see the ferry terminal from which you can do trips to various places. I got up very early one day for a round trip to Can Gio. Got to the terminal at 8.00am but told the tide was out and the river was too low.

Just a brief report on Saigon as I've done it all before. Blogs delayed due to a technical hitch with loading photos. These computer companies keep changing things without warning you which is most irritating. Anyway, I think I've sorted it out, eventually. More to follow from the lovely town of Đà Lạt.

Just discovered how to put videos on this. However they only accept 'small' ones so a bit limiting. A couple below of the Cuban band at the Caravelle Rooftop Bar (3 girls and 2 blokes).

SODOM AND GOMORRAH

10th - 12th Dec 2019

One of the more respectable bars. It has good pool tables.

As mentioned previously, the further south you venture down Pattaya Town the more debauched the scene becomes. Pattaya has two long main north/south roads; Beach Road (down the beach) and Number 2 Road, parallel to the east. They are inter-connected by many 'sois' (streets), each about 200 yards long.

Left: Soi 6. This street consists almost entirely of 'girly' bars where scantily clad 'ladies' perch on bar stools and pout at passing pedestrians. I think you are meant to go up and buy them a drink after which they will encourage you to take them back to your hotel for further discussions.

If there were one or two such establishments on the street I could imagine them doing a fair trade, but I counted 62 of these bars each with a complement of about 20 girls on parade....and this was only one street's worth! A bit of a glut on the market methinks.

There is also an exclusively 'gay' part of the southern area known as 'Boyz Town'. Here are similar (boys) bars plus 'massage' parlours and 'Go-Go' bars where scantily clad youths in swimming trunks gyrate suggestively to music on stages and pout and wink at potential customers. Incroyable! What would their parents think?

Cor Blimey! I doubt you would see too many signs like this in Plaistow. Or maybe I just haven't been looking.

The sex trade in this town is on an unbelievable scale. I don't think Mary Whitehouse would have approved or, indeed, many town councils in UK....but then it is a bit chilly in UK for this sort of thing.

As in parts of Bangkok whenever you walk down a street you are greeted with the cheery salutation "Ewan Massaar". To which my standard reply is an equally cheery "Thank you sod off". Actually I did engage one such charming lady in conversation and told her that the pronunciation of the word in English (or French) is "massage" as in "entourage" but however hard she tried, with much encouragement from me, she couldn't manage it. They can't physically formulate some English sounds. It's the same-same in Vietnam...and we can't easily pronounce  some of their language. I'm told it's all to do with how you instinctively combine mouth, tongue and teeth movement. As possibly demonstrated during a 'massaar'.

So who are the 'clientele'? From what I could see, and I'm probably setting myself up as a hostage to fortune here, a large number of tourists are flabby pot-bellied old(ish) unshaven pan-faced tattooed white men with hairy arms and backs shown off to good effect with their standard dress uniform of singlet and baggy shorts. NOTE: I do not have a tattoo or own a singlet or wear shorts (other than on a tennis court or special occasions)!

As for other inhabitants and visitors to this sceptred venue of dubious taste, there is a large number of Indians (or from that part of the world) with many Indian tailor shops and over-abundance of Indian restaurants. There are little flocks of Asian (Japanese?) tourists following their banner-carrying tour guides around Walking Street; presumably from visiting cruise ships. They look a bit bewildered as well they might having just landed in this den of depravity. Then there are also some normal respectable looking families.

Right: Walking Street. As well as a plethora of Go-Go bars where skimpily clad maidens writhe around poles set into the bar in front of you (might suggest this to my local tennis club), there is even some amusing entertainment such as virtual reality theatres and Turkish (for some reason) ice-cream parlours where the Turk serving does weird and wonderful conjuring tricks with his ice-creams.












I noticed quite a few Russians in the tourist mix. They are normally noticeable by their rude, arrogant and demanding manner (and I'm sure there are some charming Russians...in Russia). Left: This Russian bar or club on the edge of town looks as though it has seen better days, or maybe just the result of an over-exuberant Russian knees-up.

One of the impressive things of note here is the local transport system. As well as normal taxis there are these 'Baht-Taxis' (right). They can seat about 10 people (depending on size of person) on the internal bench seats plus any amount more who are happy to cling on to a platform at the rear. They operate on circular routes, or to and from Jomtien. You just wave them down and hop on, and push a buzzer when you want them to stop. It costs only 10 Baht (25p) for any length of trip and you are expected to pay the driver through his cab window when you jump off. A real bargain and so simple. Of course they would fail any number of 'elf 'n safety regulations in the West. The reason things like this work here (as in Vietnam) is that you are expected to do your own risk analysis. If you fall off the back of a Baht Taxi then that is your problem and no way would you consider attempting to blame anyone else. 'If you don't like it don't do it' is the motto out here.
Coincidently I have just read an excellent interview with Princess Anne where she condemns much of our 'elf 'n safety' industry (and it is an industry) for actually causing danger and accidents. She reasons, quite rightly in my opinion, that people are brought up to assume everything is safe and as such they fall victim to things because they are not risk aware. She goes on to describe how many activities are inherently somewhat dangerous (riding horses, rugby, rock climbing etc.) which is what makes them attractive in the first place. People shoud be encouraged to take 'risks' and, within reason, be responsible for their own safety and not to rely on regulations. It goes back to the old example of not stopping children from climbing trees. You should learn from your, or preferably others', mistakes and then you will take due precautions in future.

Another example is this food stall (left). Many of these are wheeled around town and sell delicious BBQ style food. I have used them and never suffered any ill effects. They could never be permitted in UK without a raft of licences, 'approved' equipment, inspections etc. which I am sure is not the case here.








Anyway back to Pattaya and Jomtien. It's not all about fornication, you may be relieved to hear. There are very pleasant clean beaches in both towns with lines of 'enclosures' which provide shade, loungers and waiter service for food and drink. There are jet-skis for hire and lots of those banana boats, and the sea is warm, safe and clean for bathing.




Plus other activities such as boat cruises to various islands, speed boats and that business where you hang on a parachute towed by a boat. They also have a free-fall parachute centre nearby. There are also many good restaurants and respectable bars.





Right: A clever sculpture at the beach in Jomtien which aims to draw attention to the problem of plastic waste. It is constructed entirely of plastic bottles and mugs. I did wonder how they are going to dispose of it!


So, that was a fairly educational and interesting visit to Pattaya and Jomtien. Time well spent I think.

I titled this blog "Sodom and Gomorrah", but this place makes Sodom and Gomorrah look like a Butlins Holiday Camp in comparison! I expect some of my readers will now already be making their plans to visit.



 
Sorry. Forgot to add this pic of a suitably  disreputable bar somewhere in the area.










Off next to Vietnam (or more correctly Việt Nam) to (not) celebrate Christmas and New Year.

OMG! - PATTAYA

10th - 12th Dec 2019

Work that out!

It is a 2½ hour bus journey south from Bangkok Ekkamai station to the seaside 'resort' of Pattaya. A reasonabably comfortable trip which cost all of 118 Baht (£3). Pattaya is a 5km long and narrow town with a sandy beach all the way down the west side. It is almost joined to the south with the town of Jomtien, another long slim town with a beach down the west side, with a harbour and cruise ship terminal between them. 

The northern end of Pattaya (where the main bus station is located) is quite upmarket with some expensive hotels and shops. As you go south it becomes progressively more depraved culminating at the southern end with 'Walking Street' (left).

...but before I go on to describe this area in detail, and I doubt if my powers of description will be up to it, I started off at an extraordinary 'museum' towards the northern end....

....this is called 'Art in Paradise', a 3D virtual reality experience. It is a large 'museum' on three floors with a $15 entry fee. It is indeed a most fascinating hi-tech adventure. You can load an App on your phone which enables you to film what look like wall-sized static scenes and they then spring into dramatic life, with you in the picture if you have someone with you to hold the phone (which I didn't but managed to conscript the odd passer-by). The results are supposed to be recorded on some 'gallery' or other. I tried this and it worked, but I can't find the recordings for some reason. Must have failed to push the correct button.

Left: This is one such scene. On the 'App' the sea  splashes and the swordfish leaps about dramatically, all in vivid 3D. Impressive, and I wish I could show you the animated results.

Right: Another scene where the elephant approaches out of the wall with a monkey running up to feed it a banana. Again, 3D and very realistic.

Left: Another example with flames raging behind the throne, a leopard comes out from behind to sit at your feet.

There were many more of these dramatic interactive displays, but you get the gist. There is a website (Art in Paradise) which I think will give you a better idea. I have never seen anything like it before! (but then I am usually the last to see such things).

As well as these there are many static scenes which you can become part of (if you can find someone to take the photos).

A few examples below:

These poor photos don't do them justice. I should have come better prepared with someone a bit more tech savvy.

















There are also examples of optical illusions such as the pic at the top and include:












Left: When close up it just looks like trees. Stand back and you see a tiger's head (or is it a lion).

Right: Stand close and it looks like just a flock of birds. Stand back and it is a woman's face.

Again, not so apparent in a photo....you have to be able to move to and fro. Other opical illusions were impossible to photo because they involved your movement.

I spent about 2 hours in this place and was constantly fascinated.

I'm going to leave it there while I have a drink and compose myself to try to describe the rest of the town and Jomtien........

NO 'ELL IN FAR EAST

7th - 9th Dec 2019

Festive entrance to a Bangkok shop. Ho Ho Ho!

As promised there is nothing much to report from this part of the world that hasn't already been covered in previous blogs. I arrived in Bangkok expecting to spend a few days with a French ex-colleague and family but unfortunately he had been recalled to Paris at short notice so I was left with five days to kill here. This blog will just be a hotchpotch of sights and events with one or two 'interesting' new ventures.

There were plenty of Christmas decorations around town. I stayed, as I had done previously, at the Narai Hotel on Silom Road. Booked in for a couple of nights through Expedia.co.uk (at the last minute) it is a very comfortable 4 star hotel and cost me about £40 per night which is a real bargain. It is near the efficient Metro (MRT) and Skytrain (BTS) stations and with plenty of shops, bars and restaurants nearby as well as the infamous Patpong streets, it is well located for amusement and to travel the city.

Bangkok traffic at rush hours can be total grid-lock. Right: There are useful signs over some of the main junctions which, if you were unfortunate enough to be travelling by car, show colour-coded areas of traffic flow (or not). Good idea...far too advanced for the UK.

Left: The tea room in the luxurious Oriental Hotel which is beside the Chao Phraya river. This place has lounges and bars named after famous authors (John Le Carre, Somerset Maugham, Joseph Conrad, amongst others) who used to frequent the place in earlier days. It is now the haunt of the Nouveau Riche and, presumably, wealthy 'celebrities'. I had a glass of wine in the riverside bar which cost about the same as night in the Narai.

Right: I called in at the British Club (near the Narai). It is a splendid place and has been in existence since 1903, always with British presidents/chairmen. It is a truly British establishment and on a par with the smarter clubs in London. As well as bedrooms, elegant bars and restaurant (serving roast beef etc.) it has a full sized swimming pool (with bar), glass backed squash courts, four tennis courts and even cricket nets. The inside sitting-room, leather armchairs occupied by slumbering gents,  even has (two day old) British newspapers to hand. It is a welcome oasis of peace, tranquility and civilised charm in what is otherwise a noisy, hectic and polluted city. Certainly worth joining if you are a Brit living in Bangkok. Behind my left shoulder in this photo is a British War Memorial. This was moved here from the elegant British Embassy when it was sold off a few years ago. I believe any Ambassadorial business is now conducted from a portacabin somewhere in the city. How the mighty have fallen! Pathetic.

I took a stroll around Lumpini Park. Several inter-connected lakes with swan-shaped pedal boats and lots of places to sit and.....sit. There are a few cafés in this park but they all seemed to be closed for some reason. I came across this gang of happy girls posing for a group photo. I was told they were on tour from the Philippines.

I was keen to visit the Royal Bangkok Sporting Club. Amongst other facilities it has a turf horse-racing track and I was keen to get in and see it. No way! Strictly members only and officious guards were on all the several gates to enforce the rule. Even my best bluffing failed to have any effect. I think I gathered that it is open to the public on Sundays when racing is on. They want their money. In the event I forgot to go on the Sunday I was there. En route I passed a small Buddhist shrine (left) by the main road. 

Small it may have been but there were lots of young people buying candles and wreaths and paying homage to the Buddha.

Left: A religious 'band' playing drums and whining string instruments plus dancers were present. They obviously take their Buddhist worshipping quite enthusiastically....even the youngsters. I believe it is all to do with 'ancestor worship' or somesuch family orientated praying, but I am no expert on this (or much else for that matter).

There are always shopgirls and boys wearing Father Christmas hats and reindeer antlers at this time of year, but this is the first time I have met a shopgirl wearing a Christmas tree. She was the one keen on taking this 'selfie'!

Of course I had to have a wander around Patpong, the market stall cum sex club area at the bottom of Silom Road (right) for old times sake. Actually it has become a pale imitation of the utterly debauched place I remember from 20 years ago. It still caters for much the same clientele but now more heavily regulated.

Some of the clubs are even quite honest about their staff.

Right: One of the ubiquitous Bangkok Tuk-Tuks. Even they have fallen victim to the eco-warriors in that their engines have been 'cleaned up' and they don't make the same characteristic 'tut-tuk' noise, or belch out that comely black smoke that they were once famous for. Of course they would still fall foul of any number of OTT 'elf 'n safety' regulations in UK. They used to be incredibly cheap but, thanks to the tourist onslaught, they are now rip-off expensive. I walk, or use the metro system.

Left: There is a lot of pavement art. This is part of a much longer work and I saw children happily hopping up and down it.

Right: An interesting piece of architecture. 

OK, that was a brief couple of days in Bangkok. Where to go next to fill in the remaining three? I had a flash of inspiration. I would go down to Pattaya, a town on the west coast to the south of Bangkok. I had heard a lot about this place previously...much of it fairly horrific but, being the intrepid explorer, I felt it needed some first-hand investigation. 

......to be continued.

CHRISTMAS. AGAIN.

5th Dec 2019

Two years ago I called it 'Chrexit', last year 'Christmiss' and this year it is 'No 'ell'. I am always keen to avoid the ghastly enforced commercial and social 'jolly' commitments surrounding the so-called 'festive' season of 'good will to all men' (no doubt considered a sexist 'unwoke' remark nowadays). Bah Humbug! Bugger it! I am going back Far East where, as most of them are not of the Christian faith, they have little idea of what Christmas is except that it is a good opportunity to have a bit of a giggle and sell lots of things to foreigners. There is always plenty of polystyrene snow with Father Christmases riding sleighs pulled by reindeer, girls in all the shops and restaurants wearing antler horns, 'We Wiss You a Merry Keesmah' playing in department stores and some elaborately decorated Christmas trees. They don't call it 'Christmas', it is always 'Merry Keesmah'. Good grief, these people have never seen snow and wouldn't know a reindeer from a rhinoceros.

I remember trying to explain to someone in Vietnam what Christmas is. By the time I had mentioned babies born of a virgin birth in a manger, Father Christmas (or Santa Claus) delivering gifts down chimneys, wise men following a star, elves at the North Pole and sodding reindeer I had not only confuser her but rather lost the plot myself.

Anyway, flying off initially to Bangkok to meet up with an amusing old French colleague and his charming Thai wife and family and then on to Việt Nam for more reunions where we will hopefully have a jolly time without much recourse to 'Merry Keesmah'. At least it is warm and the beer is cheap.

More to follow but I have covered this part of the world in tedious detail before so probably won't have much new to report. We shall see.....