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| Melbourne overlooking the Yarra river and the MCG. |
There have been delays to my 'blogging' due to a combination of generous social entertainment and the impending World Cup rugger. The time and physical coordination required to operate computers just hasn't been forthcoming. I am, against all the odds, doing my best to catch up.
Departure from Central Station, Sydney, was not without hassle and subsequent Basil Fawlty moments. I was told that the Aussie railway baggage handlers would not touch any bag weighing more than 20kg, but I could check in 2 bags weighing less than 20kg each. I could not believe this. How trivial! I went to make use of their baggage 'check-in' facility and they weighed my bag ( which I have happily carted across several continents and oceans, in trains, buses, taxis and ships, up and down steps and gangways, the length and breadth of streets and passageways without stress or strain or 'weight restrictions', apart from one unfortunate air journey ) and was told it weighed 33 kg. They would not touch it! They generously said I could take it onto the train myself provided I did not ask any of their staff to help lift it. I said that if I held one end and they held the other we would only be lifting 16.5kgs each. This did not wash for some unexplained reason. The Oz 'Office of Health and Safety' ( OHS in true Oz TLA-speak ) forbids their staff to touch a bag weighing more than 20kg. How pathetic I thought, and told them so. So much for the rugged Aussie get up and go. It's obviously got up and gone big time. I wondered if their steeple-jacks are not allowed to climb up buildings more than 50ft high, or their policemen not allowed to arrest anyone over 6ft tall etc., etc…….and told them that also. I also mentioned that if their Olympic weight-lifters were subject to 'OHS' rules they would not be likely to win many medals in 2012. I mean, what are baggage handlers for except to help lift heavy baggage, even if it takes six of the 'weakos' to lift my bag. My granny ( if she was still alive ) would have thought nothing of lifting and even throwing out of the window and half-way across the lawn objects, children or dogs weighing a mere 20 bleeding' kg! What a bunch of wimps! I might have some sympathy if I presented them with a grand piano plus large candelabra or a stuffed rhinoceros, but one bag with wheels on............tie me kangaroo down, sport! I am beginning to suspect that the Aussies are even more rule-bound than Brits. I will be keeping a record of such unhelpful bureaucratic nonsense.
Left: Aussie soldiers were collecting for 'war veterans', or something similar at the station. I was rather impressed by their smart uniform. Somewhat superior in style to the cheap looking banana republic outfits favoured by many ( including the Brits ) european armies. As a result I contributed generously.
Right: And so on board the 'XPT' ( whatever that TLA stands for ) from Sydney to Melbourne. Quite a comfortable train really with plenty of room, even in economy class. I managed ( unassisted of course ) to get my bags into the spacious overhead rack. It was an 11 hour journey including a decent, food-wise, buffet car and a very smooth ride. My frustration with their ridiculous baggage restrictions began to wear off. The only complaint I had was the rather 'British' trait of overdoing 'announcements' involving many f****ng 'elf 'n' safety regulations, unnecessary details of what was on sale at the buffet, threats of execution for smokers and defenestration for drinking too much, especially of what they were not selling at the buffet ( which was almost alcohol-free cat's piss beer and some local wine ) and all delivered in a rather humourless monotone. I begin to get the impression that Aussie public services are terrified by the prospect of their customers drinking alcohol. The countryside consisted mostly of very pleasant rolling grassy hills, farmland, horses in paddocks, sheep, cattle and wooded areas. It all looked quite affluent. We passed such stations as Warwick Farm, Moss Vale, Goulburn, Gunning, Yaas Junction, Coonamunga, Junee, Wagga Wagga, The Rock, Henty, Culcairn, Wangarrata and Benalla amongst others I may have missed while dozing, before arriving smack on time at Melbourne 'Southern Cross'. The stations were all remarkably well kept and picturesque. So, my impressions thus far of Aussie rail transport are a bit mixed.
I was due to meet up with an ex-BWA colleague but, sadly, he was detained, for professional reasons I hasten to add, in Khazakhstan so I booked in to the local YHA. Please forgive the TLAs, but I've got into the habit. Good value except, like everywhere in NZ and Oz, the cost of using the internet, WiFi or not, is extortionate. It is not uncommon to be charged $6 per hour! I am told that this is because some telecom company has a bit of a monopoly here. It would be unthinkable in most parts of the world, especially Asia, Mexico and South America, for such charges to be levied. In Vietnam, for example, just about every hotel, bar and cafe provides free WiFi plus fast broadband and there are really cheap internet cafes everywhere. Maybe someone will smell a rat in this part of the world soon.
I was, nevertheless, most generously entertained by the parents of said Kazak-bound ex-colleague in the charming suburb of Hartwell. We had previously been to water his garden at his new and luxurious house at Mount Martha, by the sea on Port Phillip Bay ( it rained the next morning goddammit ). So, many thanks to Eleanor and Colin ( centre and right ) and family friend, the redoubtable Don ( left ). Good wine too.
Right: A view from Arthurs Seat, over Port Phillip Bay, near Mount Martha. This is about 30 miles south of Melbourne City and a popular holiday location. All the shipping to Melbourne Harbour comes from the Bass Straight through Port Phillip Bay.
Melbourne is, from what I briefly saw, a pleasant and quite smart place with a good shopping area, a large Chinatown, a new and prosperous 'Docklands' area and many historic and interesting places to visit. The city centre ( sorry, CBD ) is compact and easily walkable. It has an excellent, relatively cheap, easy to understand and extensive city tram and Metro suburban train system. They even have a free city circular 'olde worlde' hop on - hop off tram route, plus commentary, which is an excellent way of getting one's bearings around the city. The greater Melbourne district is a very large sprawling mass of suburbs, some rather posh. Isn't this where 'Neighbours', the TV soap, comes from? I'm not sure in which suburb that is located. And isn't this also the home town of the great Dame Edna? As per Sydney, the populace is robotically trained to obey red and green pedestrian crossing lights despite oncoming traffic. Weeuuuuuu...beep beep beeb beep... goes the irritating noise to tell you to cross the street NOW!
Left: The Eureka Skydeck. This building on the south side of the river Yarra has, we were told, at the 88th floor, the highest 'public observation platform', at 984 ft, in the southern hemisphere. It also has a thing on this floor called The Edge. This is a glass cube which slides 3 metres out over a vertical drop, like a short horizontal lift, and makes sounds of breaking glass and creaking chains as it does so just to scare you more. It costs an extra $10. I didn't go in it. Call me a coward if you like.
I tried to take photos from the observation deck but reflections from the glass made these somewhat disappointing.
Right: View from Eureka Skydeck to the north-east over the 'CBD".
Left: The centre landing of the Old Melbourne City Gaol. Quite a good museum and display of the place where several notorious Aussie criminals were incarcerated and some hanged. It closed in 1929. The infamous bushranger Ned Kelly was hanged here in 1880......
.......on these gallows, which have been faithfully preserved. The hangman's lever is on the right by the door. The rope is obviously a replacement model; it didn't even have a noose on the end. The condemned man's cell is to the left. Interestingly, most of the earlier hangings were carried out by trusty prisoners selected, and paid 2 shillings, for the job.
Left: One of the ordinary cells. Infested by rats. Some of the cells had displays of 'death masks' of executed criminals and interesting stories of their crimes.
Next door is the Police Watch House, disused since 1964. This was where you were taken when first arrested by police, normally when scraped off the street for being drunk and disorderly. You were kept there for maybe a night or two to sober up before appearing in front of the beak. They put on a re-enactment of the arrest procedure with you as the person arrested. It is quite amusing. You are given a card with a name, address and what you were arrested for ( drunk in charge of a motor vehicle in my case ) and then put through the process by the cynical and faux-aggressive police sergeant who, whenever she ( in my case ) addresses you, you have to reply loudly "Yes, Sergeant!" Lots of "stand up straight!" and other drill-sergeantish banter. You are then, together with the other tourists in the group, locked up in one of the communal cells......only for about 10 minutes, but that feels quite a long time with a bunch of about 6 complete strangers to talk to. You are then marched around the rest of the facility; exercise yards etc. before being kicked out onto the street again. They do a good job of making their obsolete prisons profitable.
Right: The original suit of armour worn by Ned Kelly in his shoot- out with the police. This is displayed in the Victoria State Library which I had to go and see after my visit to the Gaol. One of his boots is somewhere else. Unless of course he only had one leg, a fact of which I am unaware. The armoured ensemble was made from old ploughing equipment. The dents caused by police bullets are apparent. Photo is poor due to reflection from the glass case
While I was in the Victoria State Library I took this pic ( left ) of the Reading Room from one of the balconies. Quite impressive, I thought.
I had to go on the Puffing Billy train. This is a narrow gauge steam railway which started commercial operations in 1900 ( passengers and freight ) through the Dandenong Ranges, east of Melbourne, from the town of Belgrave to Gembrook, a distance of about 50 miles, until it was closed down in 1953. The rail-track, including 7 engines and original carriages, plus a bigger Garrett engine, have been lovingly restored by volunteers and put back into service for tourists. They seem to do a roaring trade.
Left: One of the Puffing Billy trains. They are all meticulously maintained. This is the one I was on just before we pulled out. We boarded at Belgrave and went about 35 kms to Emerald ( about half the total distance because I got the last train of the day ), and back. There was an intermediate stop at Menzies Creek to allow for more photo opportunities and to shake the soot out.
Right: On the footplate. Note standard driver's mug of tea in the foreground. These trains also operate 'Steam and Cuisine' trips for lunch or dinner during the summer. Costly, apparently, but good food and wine in an interesting setting and are popular amongst the more well-heeled aficionados.
Left: All the bells, whistles and flags; a fond farewell from the station master. Lots of 'whoo-whooo' from the engine and we were off at a sedate rattle and roll.
The train was quite full of passengers, almost entirely of an oriental persuasion. I counted only three of us 'round-eyes' amongst about 100 others. I got the feeling that many had done it before and were wildly enthusiastic about the whole thing with cameras clicking madly and lots of posing ( plus the normal chinese 'V' signs to camera ) for the folks back home. The driver and other staff on this railway must be some of the most photographed people on the planet.
Right: Crossing a rather rickety looking trestle bridge. The sides of the carriages were open and it seemed the done thing to sit with legs hanging out...as I say, most of the passengers knew to do this straight away! Being British I stayed firmly inside. I didn't want to lose my hat.
We chuffed along at a very sedate pace. There were some steep climbs and great views from the Dandenong hills. On the level bits we might have got up to 20mph...even faster downhill.
Left: Station staff at Belgrave. These boys would have absolutely no problem with handling bags weighing more than 20 pathetic kgs!
Right: The Melbourne Museum. Very new and modern with a big IMAX cinema on the left side. They have a large ethnic Abo section called 'Bunsilaka' which is the only bit where photography is banned. Something to do with the 'spiritual' aspect of the display, or maybe some of the exhibits were nicked. It harped on about how the Aboriginals were dispossessed of their land and treated brutally by early colonists and how they want all their kit and bones back. There was only one poxy boomerang on show..and no description of how it worked. I was not too impressed by this section. I learnt that the local 'Lama Lama' people had clans called Woi wurrung, Boon wurrung and Watha wurrung in the Melbourne area. You learn something new every day.
The natural history section was more interesting. Quite a lot on the many and varied creatures in Oz which try to kill, eat, maim or just give you a painful bite. This is where Oz differs dramatically from NZ. NZ has no dangerous fauna or flora. Oz has the lot!
The red-back spider is tiny; about the size of a bee.
As eloquently described above, it gives a painful bite.
More serious in it's intent and lethality is the funnel-web spider ( left ), the most poisonous of which is the Sydney variety. These are tarantula sized creatures. There is an anti-venom now available. They only recently discovered how to retrieve the spider venom to make this antidote by finding that it stuck to glass and from which it could then be removed. They say that hardly anyone dies from being bitten by these nowadays. I think they live in dark shady places. I know a few, and will avoid them in future.
Right: The skeleton of a pygmy blue whale. It is about 20 yards long. This one was found washed up on a beach somewhere. It would be interesting to see the skeleton of a normal blue whale.
Left: Two pythons. I think these were each about 10 meters ( 30 ft ) long. It would be entirely unwise to tangle with live versions. I don't suppose they would have much difficulty in devouring a sheep, or human for that matter. I can't remember where they live, which is a bit worrying, but will be keeping a sharp look-out. Also on the look-out for the much mentioned and supposedly dangerous Australian 'drop bears'. The museum made no reference to these.
There was also a section called 'Mind and Body' which explored the strange workings of the brain and all that goes with it. There were some fascinating optical illusions and descriptions of mental illnesses and how treatment of these has changed over the years. They had a series of booths which you could enter and see and listen to characters talking about their strange mental afflictions. I think I recognised several of them. The body section was, as you can imagine, rather revolting. I won't bother describing it.
In the 'Melbourne History' section they had a very life-like stuffed Phar Lap. Even the veins and muscles were realistically prominent. This is presumably why the case in the Te Papa museum in Wellington was empty. I think it may rotate between them. Personally, I would just make another. As you may know the racehorse Phar Lap was bred in NZ and won many top Flat races in Oz and the USA in the 1930s. After his last victory, the Agua Caliente Cup in USA in 1932 ( I think ), he died of arsenic poisoning in suspicious circumstances. It was never conclusively proved that he had been murdered.
This flag ( left ) was waved at departing soldiers during WW2.
Many other Melbournian 'personalities' were accorded exhibits, not least Miss Helen Porter Mitchell aka Dame Nelly Melba. There were old gramophone recordings of her singing such songs as 'Home Sweet Home' in 1914, her signature tune. By crikey, you would have to put the wine glasses away if she was around and singing! It sort of left a ringing in the ears. Dame Nelly was also famous for her many 'final' appearances, and finally, really, completely, died in 1931. So at least she cannot have been responsible for poisoning Phar Lap. There was also an exhibit in memory of a chap called Roger Hart. He was something to do with pop music, I think. I had never heard of him.
Lots to see and do around Melbourne yet but the World Cup rugger starts tomorrow so my attention will be somewhat diverted. My money is on the All Blacks, without a doubt. Expect a noble performance by Samoa and Fiji, and I expect England will disgrace themselves at some stage.
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| Australian Xmas Lunch buffet |
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