CHRISMISS 2018

6th - 22nd Dec 2018

Glad tidings of Great Joy. Happy Christmas.

Another year, another 'Festive Season' which, as is my habit, I intend to avoid as far as possible at virtually any cost, especially in the UK. I am calling it 'Chrismiss' this year. I am always depressed by the dank British weather, commercial greed, charity blackmail and enforced 'jollity' that accompanies this annual rigmarole which as far as I can see starts sometime towards the end of October, if not before. Apart from a few self-righteous church services to salve the guilty conscience it amounts to nothing other than an excuse, or compulsion, to spend, drink, eat and behave, including family rows, appallingly plus much hassle. Bah Humbug indeed! But have you ever tried, and succeeded, to get away from it? It is a truly liberating experience!

I'm off back to the Far East this year; Thailand and then Vietnam and not reappearing in the UK until normal chaos has been resumed sometime mid-January. At least it is warm here! Yes, they put up loads of Christmas trees, lots of polystyrene snow with blasted Red Nosed Reindeer pulling Santa Clauses, tinsel, bar girls and hotel staff compulsorily wearing reindeer horns plus "Jinger Bears" and "We Wiss Yoo a Melly Keesmah" played in the shops, even "I'm Dreaming of a White Keesmah". 'White Christmas' indeed! This lot haven't seen snow since the last ice-age, if then, wouldn't know a reindeer if it stuck its red nose in their Pad Thai curry and , as I asked a girl where it was playing, wouldn't know a 'One Horse Open Sleigh' from a Tuk-Tuk with a flat tyre. Still, despite being entirely ignorant of the significance of Christmas, they are very jolly about it; it's an excuse for a party and it brings in business from the tourists.

I don't intend to write a 'journal' from these places as I have already done several from this part of the world in previous years. I may just keep adding to this edition any significant, weird or amusing things I come across, such as this rather 'Oirish' looking snowman on Silom Road in Bangkok (left).

Right: More my idea of a suitable 'Santa' offering her services, for a price, outside a bar in Hua Hin (east coast south of Bangkok).

Click on to enlarge and read what she has to offer.

Left: Also from Hua Hin, a gentleman on the beach displaying the true Chrismiss spirit.
I think they managed to re-float him eventually.

Ding Dong Merrily. More to come when I can be bothered.

I travelled to Hua Hin from Bangkok by 'express' train. It must be the slowest express train in the world as it took over 5 hours to cover 120kms. Plenty of stops at stations and even stops in the middle of nowhere for no apparent reason. It was, however, comparatively comfortable with air-con and a constant stream of 'vendors' wandering up and down the carriage loudly (the Thai language always sounds like cats having a fight) trying to flog undefinable foodstuffs and (non-alcoholic) drinks. No alcohol is ever served at Thai railway stations or on the trains. I always come prepared with my own rations.

The outlying stations we stopped at are all rather charming in a quaint rustic fashion; lots of flowers and well maintained. Station staff are immaculately turned out in some sort of khaki para-military style uniform with much waving of red or green flags as appropriate, blowing of whistles and ringing of bells. 

Right: Hua Hin station. This place was the original beach resort of choice for the Thai/Siamese Royal Family. Now a beach resort popular with both foreigners and Thais.

One of the many things I admire about this part of the world is the lack of obsessive 'elf and safety regulations. People are allowed, indeed encouraged, to take their own responsibility for their safety.  As an example, to cross the rail tracks here, ( and there is a smart golf course on the other side) you can simply walk across boards placed between the rails. There was merely a yellow notice (left, if you can read it) stating 'Beware of Trains'. Somewhat stating the bleedin' obvious I suggest!

Right: These girls were happily taking photos of themselves standing on the main line. Can you imagine the hissy fit that would ensue if ever someone tried to do that in the UK!

Also, and maybe despite, a rule which says motor-cyclists must wear helmets, this is rarely enforced. Many don't bother, and that is their decision and nobody interferes. I used 'moto-taxis' in Bangkok, and here, which are (authorised) motor-bikes; you just jump on the pillion and they are a cheap and quick way to weave your way through the congested traffic; most skilfully driven in my experience. Nobody expects you to put on a sodding helmet if you don't want to! The drivers sometimes do, but that is up to them.

It all chimes with my support of the philosophy of the 19th century British politician/philosopher John Stuart Mill who stated (I paraphrase); "Laws should not be made to save people from the actions of their own stupidity. They should only be made to protect other people", or words to that effect. I totally agree with that. I know that there are some incredibly stupid people around. Maybe you have  heard of the 'Darwin awards' for those who die due their impressively idiotic actions, and they make most amusing reading. But Darwin, survival of the fittest etc., had a point. 

We softies in the West have come to rely on the nanny state to protect us with rules, laws and services from just about everything. In other parts of the world you are expected to rely on yourself which I consider a healthier, and no less safe, option. To give two conflating personal examples:

1. I was serving with the UN in Cambodia in the build up to their elections in 1991/92. I lived in very basic hut accommodation (limited running water from a collector tank on the roof and erratic electricity from a dodgy generator) for 9 months in an outpost with a small multi-national (unarmed) UN team in ex-Khmer Rouge territory in the bush in the middle of nowhere. The place was infested by mines, both on and off the tracks (no roads as such), the water supply if not bottled was dodgy (we were resupplied by Russian helicopter), as were the local food standards (which we used), lots of poisonous snakes and insects, and the locals still wandered around carrying weapons, including rocket launchers which they propped up, armed, against the wall if they came to visit. The various factions were still, despite an official ceasefire, at each others throats. There were no medical facilities within easy reach. It had all the makings of a dangerous situation. There was absolutely no 'elf and safety'; the very opposite. We travelled around our local area on foot and in vehicles and we all survived quite happily and healthily. Why? Because we took great care to watch where we were going, what we were doing and paid attention to sound advice from our trusty local interpreters.

2. Germans are sticklers for rules. Several years ago I was based in a large town in Germany. It was late at night, midnightish, and I was returning home on foot through the outskirts. There was very little traffic around and I got to a main road pedestrian crossing. Standing rigidly to attention at the crossing was a smartly dressed middle-aged German couple. They were watching the little red lit man on the opposite side of the road. There was a lorry approaching the crossing, but they would not have known because they were looking straight ahead. The little lit man changed to green and, looking neither left nor right, they marched across the road. I would like to tell you that the lorry didn't stop and they were squashed, but it did stop. If it hadn't, and they would not have known what had hit them, and with their dying breath they would have croaked "But ve ver in ze right!". These people would follow rules blindly to their death. 

My point is that if you condition people blindly to follow 'rules and regulations' they lose the ability to think and look after themselves. Conversely, a dangerous situation can become relatively safe if you are aware and take care.

Left: Lots of horses on the beach. Considerably more than there were riders; but then not many of the roasting sun-bathers could 'do the weight'.
Some of these nags looked decidedly worried as 25 stone monsters waddled past.











Right: ......and also many kite-surfers. Never tried it myself. There seem to be too many strings involved.

Now been back in Bangkok after re-visiting Chiang Mai for a couple of days. Previous blog from this time last year covers that place. Again I travelled by train on the overnight sleeper so speed was irrelevant.

Left and below: A couple of friends I met in Bangkok (Mrs Tussauds of course)

I then flew on to Ho Chi Minh City (Saigon) to celebrate Chrismiss and New Year.

Left: In the Departure Hall of modern, spacious and, once through the normal tedious palaver at check-in, security and passport control, user-friendly Bangkok Suvarnabhumi International airport.

I had arrived very early and managed to 'negotiate' a very cut-price entry into the VIP lounge. Amazing what you can get away with if you meet a 'helpful' official. I proceeded to fill myself with as much freeby food and wine that was on offer as I could manage. I got much more than my money's worth!