LOCKDOWN. WEEK 5

22nd - 28th Apr 2020

A suitable mask?

I'm beginning to run out of things to talk about and in danger of repeating myself. Situation little change during Week 5. There is still far too much weepy whining wall-to-wall coverage of Controlavirus on TV etc., but at last some, not much, recognition of Vietnam which has managed the situation magnificently and is back to normal in most parts. I suspect our lot don't want to report too much on them as it will go to show just how useless and hysterical we have been in comparison! 

I think our TV news programmes should be split; those showing coronavirus stories and others showing only the remaining news.....of which there must be some. 

I live near a mainline railway station and passenger trains pass frequently; a great advantage in normal times. Watching trains go past now, and they still seem to hold to their regular timetable, it is strange to see that, mostly, they have absolutely no passengers. Almost all empty. I can maybe understand why, but cannot understand how they manage, financially, to keep going. When we are finally allowed out I expect, in Great British tradition, they will find a reason to stop running. No irksome passengers must be a real bonus for the operating staff.

I continue my alternate day 2 mile runs (staggers). Musn't tear the arse out of it. Did a PB a couple of days ago of nearly a minute under normal. Can't work out why unless I read my watch incorrectly. I do a few other mild exercises half way. Perhaps I missed out on a few of them. Apparently a beardy chap called Joe Wicks does home fitness programmes on TV (probably before I get up) aimed at the self-incarcerated. I confess to not having seen him in action, but did see this old chap telling us what to do. Rather more my scene I think. I attach a link which you may, or may not, be able to open. Copy to search bar if necessary.

https://vimeo.com/400874170

Another feature of news (virus) reportage during this boring ongoing 'crisis' is the use of ghastly new unnecessary words and expressions. Some of these, largely because they are not English, I find very irritating. I list a few below:

1. Furlough. (American). In English means 'on leave' as in 'leave of absence', or 'stood-down'.

2. Uptick. (American again). In English simply 'increase' or 'rise'.

3. Gifting. (American?). In English 'giving' or 'donating'.

4. Laura Kuenssburg

Plus that fatuous valediction, or is it an order, "stay safe". Why do I need to be told that? I've managed to look after myself for several decades without needing to be commanded to 'stay safe'! They might be better off advising us to 'stay sane'. What business is it of theirs anyway, as if they really care.

We keep hearing about the possibility of being compelled to wear dreadful face-masks. A repellant thought as far as I am concerned and I doubt if it will come to that, hopefully. 

Amusing article written in a recent edition of the Spectator magazine by my journalistic hero Rod Liddle entitled 'Would Churchill have worn a face mask'. He (Liddle) was concerned about how he would manage to smoke his cigarettes wearing one (or perhaps Churchill his cigars).

My TTD list is expanding rather than contracting. The other day I found my hoover standing idle. I rather like it that way. I did, however, motivate myself into mowing the small lawn in front of the house. When I say 'lawn' it is really an eco-friendly patch of weeds, dandelions and triffid-like growths. It needed a bit of energetic machete work to get it into a condition to be mowed. The result was an improvement I suppose, but various creatures which had happily lived undisturbed in it for months had to make a run for it. I also found a deck-chair which I never realised I had.

I called a friend holed up in France. If you think the situation is bad here it is nothing to what they are forced to go through in La Belle France. She has been isolated, and I mean alone, in a large house somewhere near the Alps for over a month with erratic internet, no postal service and she has to get a signed document to go out of the house for shopping etc. At least the phone seems to work. It sounds bloody awful.

I think some people are really going a bit 'over the top' as per this chap (left) in his Venetian doctor's plague mask outfit.

Coincidently I am currently reading a book called 'The Plague' (La Peste), a translation of a famous French novel written by Albert Camus about a large town in Algiers stricken by bubonic plague in the 1940s. It is pretty heavy going but bears a remarkable similarity, if worse, to the situation we now find ourselves in. Of course bubonic plague, transmitted by fleas living on infected rodents, is a bacteria not a virus. It is a horrible affliction which affects the lymph nodes causing nasty suppurating painful growths in the groin, armpits and neck called 'buboes'. In those days it was nearly always fatal and the victims died in agony. It can mutate into pneumonic plague which affects the lungs and has similar symptoms to the worst cases of covid-19. It still exists in (primitive) parts of the world but can be treated with some success by modern antibiotics (I'm told). So much for my medical research.

I have been quite busy designing my unique 'Coronatini' cocktail. The present recipe consists of gin, vodka, brandy, cherry brandy, Vietnamese coconut liqueur, lillet blanco, mead and sherry topped up with a dash of ginger ale plus crushed ice and a slice of lemon. I haven't thought of a name for it yet, but it might just beat all those high-powered medicos to finding a successful anti-covid-19 vaccine.  A couple of glasses will at least have the effect of taking one's mind off it.  Trouble is, due to this pesky isolation, I am finding it difficult to obtain volunteer testers.

In the meanwhile I fiddle about doing some shopping, read 'some of' the newspaper, watch rubbish on TV and waste much time tapping away on the computer....such as writing this drivel.

The Parish Council