BACK TO LIVINGSTONE (I PRESUME). ZAMBIA

27th Dec 2020 - 4th Jan 2021

View north up the Zambezi from the Waterfront verandah. 

The New Year came and it didn't look any better than the old one. I decided to take a break from the arduous life on the farm and fly down to Livingstone. I booked in to the same Lodge as I used 6 years ago; Victoria Falls Waterfront, on the eastern bank of the Zambesi, about 3 miles upstream from Victoria Falls and the border with Zimbabwe.

Before I left I 'inspected' the daily 5.00pm Farm Security Guards parade (left). Their drill was really quite good. 20 minutes of marching drill was followed by 25 minutes of inspection and haranguing by the Guard Commander, all in English (for my benefit?). Considering most of the Guard only spoke Bemba I rather suspect it fell on deaf ears. I have a video (below) of some of their drill; not the best bits (missed those) but gives you an idea!

Right: One of the 'fertilisers'. Different jobs involve wearing different coloured overalls. Guards hi-vis yellow, Fertlisers orange, Foremen blue etc. Quite a good system.

The flight from Ndola, courtesy of Proflight Aviation in a Jetstream 41 turbo-prop, via a stopover in Lusaka, to Livingstone (Harry Mwanga Nkumbula International Airport) was efficient and took about 3 hours in total. It was a 30 minute taxi ride to the Waterfront and I booked in at 12.30pm. Forever the cheapskate, instead of using one of the de-luxe riverside chalets, I opted for a tent in the back garden (left). It is quite comfortable.

There are notices around the place such as this (right). I only hope they (hippos etc.) can read! I'm told hippos, which come ashore during the night to graze, attack humans and run fast. However I don't think they can climb trees. I have ear-marked a few trees to climb in extremis.

Left: Another warning sign. I must confess I hadn't considered taking a monkey out for dinner......unless it offered to pay of course.

Right! A substantial barbeque near the bar.

Left: The bar area which features a small swimming pool, much favoured by the children.

Right: I noticed one poor chap was missing a leg. It brought to mind the warning about crocodiles. As I remembered, it is a very welcoming establishment. This time I have met the charming (and efficient) owners, Graham and his wife Venice. 

One evening, as a treat to myself, I popped over to the luxurious and very expensive Royal Livingstone Hotel (left) down near the Falls. I sat on the verandah sipping a martini and tucked into a bag of peanuts. 

Right: When these stripey donkeys suddenly made an appearance on the lawn. They seemed very tame. I hoped they were not being stalked by lions.

They obviously, and generously, help to supply some of the sumptuous carpetings inside the hotel (left)..

.......when not playing with lions.

I have now established a suitably economic relationship with a taxi driver used by the Lodge (Patrick) and his deputy (Gift). They are very reliable, amusing company and honest. I went for a day's shopping in Livingstone to buy some essentials, such as mozzie repellant. They appeared to be out of stock of hippo and crocodile repellant.

Right: Passing an advert for the Livingstone Tennis Club. I might investigate further.

Left: The famous Capitol cinema on Mosi-oa-Tunya Street (Smoke that Thunders; the local name for the Falls). It was built in 1931 by a wealthy Jewish gentleman, Marcus Grills, when this place was in Northern Rhodesia. I think it is still functioning...but maybe not during this 'covid' period about which, unlike the north of the country or Zanzibar, the Livinstonians seem peculiarly obsessed. Face-masks everywhere, even if mostly worn around the chin!

Back to the old Livingstone Museum which has expanded considerably since my last visit.

Left: The redoubtable Dr Livingstone still stands guard outside. He holds a remarkably stout stick. Probably an anti-hippo and crocodile device.

Right: ....as does the old 'Chippy', the De Havilland Canada Mk 1 Chipmunk aircraft. I can't work out the connection because I used to fly them and I'm damned sure Dr D Livingstone did not!

Inside the museum there are now several halls, the initial ones devote themselves to pre-history in East Africa, which is where the human race started. From 'Homo Erectus' (2 million years ago) through several 'homo' species such as Homo Neanderthalis (400,000 to 40,000 years ago) to Homo Sapiens (us now, from 300,000 years ago). I am reading an excellent book on the subject entitled 'Sapiens; A Brief History of Humankind' by Noah Harari. A fascinating insight into human development...and quite worrying!

Above: Top, Homo  Erectus. Bottom left, Later Neanderthal. Bottom right, Homo Sapiens.

Right: Artist's impressions of Erectus and Neanderthal. I'm not convinced that they are extinct.

There are several dioramas and displays of progress throughout the ages from this 'hunter gatherer' scene (left) through to Zambian Independence in 1964.

Right: Display of old African weaponry.

A hall was devoted to the great Dr L. As before, lots of letters written by him to friends and colleagues in very wonky handwriting.  Well, he was a doctor after all! Or maybe shaking from malaria.....or writing in a sedan chair carried by natives (not easy). 

Right: A poster advertising a slave sale. Dr David, a veritable bible basher, was vehemently anti-slavery but I bet he had to use them on his arduous expeditions.

I was struck by this picture of his wife, Mary Moffat. It might explain why he was so keen to wander around Africa for extended periods. She predeceased him.

Right: A litter of the kind used by Livingstone on his expeditions. This model is a 4 manpower twin-shaft self-stabilising coupé convertible de-luxe.

There was a 'temporary' exhibition of hairstyles in Zambia. Fascinating I'm sure, but I gave that a miss.

Right: ....and this replica statue, the original is in Lusaka, of the memorial to Independence entitled "The Black Man Breaks his Chains". This gave rise to some contentious graffiti which stated "The Black Man Will Break Anything". (I didn't say it!).

Left: An interesting signpost in the centre of town.

As mentioned, I am repeating a lot of what I did in January 2014 but assume my reader will not bother to go back and read those past blogs! Back to The Waterfront for a welcome glass of beer!

GONE BANANAS AGAIN. ZAMBIA

 20th - 26th Dec 2020

Back on Battledore Farm, about 20 miles west of Ndola up in the Copper Belt. I have written extensively about this place in blogs dating from December 2013 to January 2014, so don't intend to repeat all that detail. You can click-on to those past blogs if interested. Not much has changed in essence during the past 7 years although the farm has grown somewhat. It now covers 750 acres with about 180,000 banana plants, about the same number of gum trees (planted 10 years ago and now reaching maturity) and 9,000 citrous (orange) trees.

This area, as mentioned 7 years ago, is almost completely devoid of wildlife. It was all eaten a long time ago. However the domestic menagerie has increased. When last here I winessed the arrival of Rommel, the Rhodesian Ridgeback. He now has two comrades, Montgomery and Harry. Difficult to herd, they are pictured here with two of the current farm assistants, Andrew (left) and George. Franky I can't tell the difference between the Ridgebacks except that only Harry is allowed into the house.

There is also a Jack Russell terrier, Mrs Perkins, and a Border Terrier, Partridge, who recently gave birth to 4 puppies. One puppy, Porridge, remains on the farm. There is also a black and white cat which has no name as far as I am aware, which hides in cupboards and pees all over the place. It gets regularly thrown out of the house (when found peeing in a cupboard). I'm surprised it hasn't been eaten by the Ridgebacks by now. Actually the Ridgebacks look fierce and scare the locals (that is the idea!) but are incredibly soft and soppy. They run away from the cat. Harry is terrified of Porridge.

Left: Partridge and Porridge.

Right: Harry cowering behind a bin, hiding from Porridge.

There are some big thunderstorms here. Harry is terrified by the thunder and sits shaking with fear. Harry wears ear-defenders. Harry is a complete wimp.

Right: Mrs Perkins who is a pleasant and well behaved dog.

That sums up the domestic menagerie. No photo of the damned cat.

With Christmas approaching we planned a lunch party for 25. Left: The rather dismal, and only, effort at Christmas decorations. 7 years ago they were banned completely by mutual agreement. Standards are slipping.

The farmhouse here has been undergoing major extension works and up to two days before this party it was like living on a building site. Last minute efforts got things relatively shipshape. Hard work by all the staff was required, but it paid off.

Right: The Merry Lunchtime gathering. Gallons of champagne and wine were drunk and I can't remember when it ended, but it was dark and several participants were a bit the worse for wear. Most of those present are ex-pat farmers, some of whom had been kicked off their previous farms in Zimbabwe. Several had driven 200km from the Mkushi area which is mid-country and a big farming area. People here are prepared to drive long distances for a spot of entertainment No tiers hier!

Left: A street in the local village. All very basic. Many of the residents work on the farm.

Right: ....and a typical local house. No running water and no electricity, but swept clean around the dusty outside area. Makes us Westerners appear rather spoilt! Maybe the owner has a Lamborghini parked round the back and a second home in Gstaad?

Left: The local school. The pupils have to walk to another school 5 miles away to take exams. I had taken Harry with me on this not very long walk. Big mistake! He gave up the ghost and lay down in the shade of a tree here for 20 minutes before deigning to raise his idle arse. Not only is Harry a complete wimp he is also incredibly unfit. It gave me the chance to speak to one of the teachers who spoke excellent English and was very charming. 

Right: The farmhouse residents in what then resembled a building site. Martin (with Mrs Perkins), Andrew, Calo (visiting), George and Bwana Banana (seated), plus Partridge's puppies.

George produced a loud music device which produced this alarming display of dancing! (below)....if it works.

As mentioned, I don't intend to produce another blog showing all on the farm. Done that Dec/Jan 13/14 if you are interested. I don't know how long I will be here...either until my generous host's patience runs out, or I find another 'covid-lite' country, or until UK becomes habitable. It may be some time. Toot Toot and a Happy New Year to my reader (didn't we say that last year!)

ON TO NDOLA, ZAMBIA

 15th - 19th Dec 2020

Battledore Farmhouse, Ndola, Zambia

To Zanzibar airport (3 miles north-east of Stone Town) and began the now bureaucratic obstacle course of checking in for my flight to Ndola. Other than a ticket and passport one needed the $80 covid negative certificate, which had to be stamped as 'authentic' by an airport doctor (and it took 30 mins to find one). Then the Kenya Health certificate which I had filled in on-line which was a box-ticking exercise to state that you didn't have a runny nose or cough or high temperature etc. A bit like filling in a visa application for the USA where they ask you to tick 'yes' or 'no' on subjects like 'are you involved in drug smuggling?' or 'are you involved in any terrorist organisation?'. I mean, if you want the blasted visa why would any sane drug dealer or terrorist or person with a cough confess? Then an immigration desk to check passport, then the baggage x-ray machine. I had an empty bottle of konyagi as a souvenir. Confiscated! But not the large full cannister of shaving foam or anti-mozzie spray. There is little real logic in all this palaver.

Left: The packed departure lounge at Zanzibar. They were mainly Russians waiting to board a large aircraft to Moscow. Russia-Zanzibar travel tours are very popular. Note: nobody here wears a face nappy.

We took a small ATR-72 turbo-prop for the 1hr 45min flight to Nairobi.

I had a 13 hour transit hold-over in Nairobi, Jomo Kenyatta, airport, 7.00pm until 7.45am the next morning. Hence the need for an expensive (useless) covid negative certificate. I didn't need one for the 3 hour transit on the way out and I wasn't going to leave the airport. I despair. No face-masks in Zanzibar, but at Nairobi some of the passengers were togged up in biological warfare outfits! (right). There were about 60 Chinese going to Ndola (they now own Zambia) dressed like this. I suppose if you are Chinese you panic and do as you are told.

I met a charming young Ethiopian lady at immigration here who was en-route to Addis Ababa. She had not got one of those pointless Kenya Health certificates and was therefore not going to be let in. She did not have a mobile phone (stolen) so I offered to help by downloading the certificate for her to fill in. That was taking some time and eventually the immigration checker just told her to give a telephone contact number and let her in! What is the point of all this bureaucracy? Anyway, she and I had a long stop-over so we went to an airport café/bar and spent the night drinking expensive Kenyan Tusker beer and playing on my computer and her using my mobile to WhatsApp home. She spoke perfect English and was great company which helped to pass the night.

Arrival at Ndola airport at 9.35am and no 'covid' checks of any kind. The only delay occurred because having paid for my visa the printer broke down and had to be dismantled and reassembled. I was met and picked up by my host and on to his estate, Battledore Farm, a 30 minute drive. Once there we only had time for a quick pit-stop before host, his two Brit assistants and I sallied forth on the 320km drive south to Lusaka. This journey was to renew the assistants' work permits plus other administrative tasks. It took over 6 hours, via a stop for beefburgers and chips, and we arrived at our base for the next two nights, Lilayi Lodge, south of the city.

Left: The front of Lilayi Lodge. This is a very luxurious establishment surrounded by a small game reserve. We saw zebras, warthogs and several types of deer on the drive in.

Accommodation was in a series of these thatched huts (right) dotted along lighted pathways in the grounds.. 

Left:....with very comfortable bedrooms and all mod-cons. There is a patio with views out over the reserve. Not the sort of place I am used to inhabiting.

There is a smart bar and fine dining. We dined on exquisite Zambesi River freshwater crayfish the first evening. The standard of service by ever attentive waiters was superb.

Left: Breakfast. My host (who is camera shy) and his two assistants (Martin and Andrew) following a full English fry-up with Bloody Marys. This is, for me, a rather debauched style of living.

On into Lusaka where various administrative tasks were carried out. The city has some very decent shopping malls and a well known Irish Bar, O'Hagans. We went there. They advertise Guiness, Andrew's favourite drink, but somehow it is always 'not available at the moment'. Disappointing. However this was made up for by another visit to a bar for a refreshing glass or two of champagne (right). I'm really not used to this!

,,,....followed by a visit to a hotel roof-top bar for martinis.

Then on the arduous drive back to Ndola. It is not so bad during daylight but after dark there are numerous vehicles, mainly trucks, which have no rear lights. People lurk on the roadside trying to sell things and are nearly invisible. So much scope for a disaster, but we made it safely.

More to follow from Battledore Farm, much of which has not changed since my last 'non-Christmas' report from 2013/14.